It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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