Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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