I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
