so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
