Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
