I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you win again, gameday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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