You just made me feel so damn special
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
