I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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