used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
