Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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