I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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