Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
