I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
