I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
