Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My ass is underappreciated
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
