i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
