i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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