you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
