If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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