the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
