have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What a dumb baby whore.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
