what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am naked and annoyed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
