I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
