My friends, they love my intelligence
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
