Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
