There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
