Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
