I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
