It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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