i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
