cat food counts as protein by the way
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
