I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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