apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
