The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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