i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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