I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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