This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
