Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
