I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
