Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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