I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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