if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
