he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
