You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
