woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
