well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
