We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
