i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
