Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do herpes really smell.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
