Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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