dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
