I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
