im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
